A Tom Swifty is a form of Wellerism, derived from the character of Samuel Weller, witty servant of Mr. Pickwick in the story Pickwick Papers (1836–37) by Charles Dickens.
(Image courtesy of Wikipedia.)
Last week, I passed through Phoenix, Arizona for a work gig and got the chance to hang with my niece, Madison, and her mom, Priscilla. Passing along more of our family’s punning heritage, I introduced Madison to the Tom Swifty form, a pun-derful method of livening up quotations by linking the speaker’s content with the manner in which it was said.1
It’s easier to show than to describe, so I pointed her to the archetypal example:
“We must hurry,” said Tom Swiftly.
From that original, the form eventually came to be called a ‘Tom Swifty.’ Many, many great Swifties have been formed since, like:
“I might as well be dead,” Tom croaked.
“I have no flowers,” Tom said lackadaisically.
“I have multiple personalities,” Tom said, being frank.
Madison and I couldn’t resist generating some of our own. Here’s some of what we came up with. What ones would you add? (Feel free to use the comments section!)
1. “Looks like the party’s been cancelled,” Tom said unabashedly.
2. “I’m so sad the Patriots lost,” Tom moaned deflatedly.
3. “Let’s cross the river,” Tom suggested swimmingly.
4. “I think the bread dough’s done,” Tom said needily.
5. “Send them to prison,” Tom declared with conviction.
6. “Aw, hell!” said Tom devilishly.
7. “I trust your judgment on the window dressings,” Tom said blindly.
8. “Refrigerator’s up and running,” Tom said chillingly.
9. “I used to hang around these parts,” Tom said hauntingly.
10. “If I could just knock these last two pins down,” Tom said sparingly.
11. “Let’s organize a union,” Tom said strikingly.
12. “Want to listen to my new pacemaker?” Tom asked brokenheartedly.
13. “It’s a bit small for an apartment,” Tom said flatly.
14. “Where should I throw the boomerang?” Tom asked to himself.
15. “Well, somebody has to make Greek sandwiches,” Tom said heroically.
16. “It sure takes a long time to get across Kansas,” Tom noted plainly.
17. “OK, she’ll get into Harvard,” Tom admitted.
18. “I’ve never seen such a feline mural,” Tom caterwauled.
19. “Those tenants left every window open!,” Tom vented.
20. “The engine’s dying,” Tom sputtered.
21. “Your rope and harness are all set, Senator Cruz,” Tom said belatedly.
22. “They make the best bats in Louisville,” Tom said sluggishly.
23. “I’ll leave you everything when I die,” Tom said willingly.
24. “How about we take in a Tennessee Williams show?” Tom asked playfully.
25. “Low five!” suggested Tom underhandedly.
“There are all sorts of Tom Swift stories,” he added with novelty.
(Image courtesy of Wikipedia.)
26. “Ready, set, GO!” Tom said with a start.
27. “My account grows with compound interest,” Tom said appreciatively.
28. “I disliked that writing topic,” Tom said promptly.
29. “I wrapped the leftovers with cling wrap,” said Tom gladly.
30. “I love Halloween candy,” Tom snickered.
31. “I left my two children,” Tom said with abandon.
32. “I’m taking back my share of the blankets,” Tom said covertly.
33. “I’m going to feed the chickens,” Tom said peckishly.
34. “Doc, I dreamed I was a pony,” Tom said a little hoarsely.
35. “Look at my fish pond, “ Tom said coyly.
36. “Ronald McDonald and Hamburglar are here, sure, but the party doesn’t feel complete,” Tom said grimacingly.
37. “I can’t even,” Tom said oddly.
38. “I’d like to make a prune,” Tom said with aplomb.
39. “I also prefer Yves St. Laurent,” Tom said in like fashion.
40. “En garde, you watchman of the night!,” Tom said, taking a stab in the dark.
41. “I refuse,” Tom said trashily.
42. “Time to roll up our sleeves,” Tom said off the cuff.
43. “I can’t tell if I’m male or female,” Tom said with a hidden agenda.
44. “They sent Spock down to the planet’s surface!” Tom beamed.
45. “I’ve never felt this close to someone,” Tom intimated.
46. “This guitar lick is a challenge,” Tom fretted.
47. “I love playing catch,” Tom said intermittently.
48. “Marble looks better than formica,” countered Tom.
49. “I’d like to teach university students,” Tom proffered.
50. “I’ll never again argue about GPS directions,” Tom said, driving his point home.
[1] See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Swifty for more complete info.
Ted DesMaisons is the founder and principal of Anima Learning, a collaborative consultancy that honors and feeds the spark of curiosity in leaders, educators, and individuals. He also serves as the US Coordinator for the UK-based Mindfulness in Schools Project.
I love this post. I laughed aloud! Thank you.