It’s easy to think about the benefits of setting up reinforcement for others’ behaviors. If I want the softball team to help each other stay focused, I offer my catcher praise when she returns to the bench after having taken a minute for a conference with her mentally-rattled pitcher. If a student catches himself using a combative or whiny tone and makes an adjustment mid-sentence, I’ll tell the rest of the class that I appreciate what he just did. I make sure to thank Melissa when she cleans up the kitchen–and she does the same with me. That all seems good and natural.
What, then, makes it so tough to generate reinforcements for our own behaviors? Perhaps it’s that we’re rarely clear about our own goals and intentions. We kind of fuzz along, thinking we know what we’re shooting for without ever declaring it strongly or openly. Even when we are clear about goals, though, we can still be vague or evasive when rewarding or reinforcing ourselves. Oh, I *should* get that done anyway, we tell ourselves. It doesn’t *deserve* a reward. The accomplishment stands on its own.
On some level, such notions may be true. But the reinforcement will help whether it “should” be needed or not. In this case, then, the “deserved” label derives from achievement. Get the job done, get the reinforcement. I’ve set a goal for myself to post an entry here at least five times a week, for example. If I accomplish that task, I will give myself the small reward of watching a movie guilt-free (no “I really should be doing something else” nagging in the background), going out for some tasty sushi, or getting a new Blu-Ray disc (for the next time I watch a movie guilt-free). If I can sustain the practice for two months in a row, I’ll earn a medium-sized reward of a party with friends, a new piece of softball equipment, or a nice dinner out. Six months? Maybe a B&B weekend. End-of-year level accomplishment? A travel vacation.
It’s a simple technology with potentially huge repercussions. I’m looking forward to experimenting with it more.
What’s your take on all this? What small, medium, or large rewards could you give yourself that would motivate you to make the changes you want in your own behavior?
[…] as the self-limiting ruts we’ve formed over the years. Maybe we start by building in our own self-reinforcement for the positive choices we do make. Here, a strategic mindset can achieve the greatest efficiency. […]